I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
