I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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