Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I want is dick and wine.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
