Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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