Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
