she looked like the before picture.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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