I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
