im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
