just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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