from now on my penis is your penis
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
