he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
