Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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