wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
