I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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