so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
