you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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