if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
