i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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