dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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