I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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