he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
