i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
