I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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