so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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