i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
