I woke up to her vacumming the grass
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
