You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
