im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
