so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
