Soap is not a condiment
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
