Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
