currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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