Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
