yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
