What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
