Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need help removing her.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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