It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
