i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
