I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
me + whiskey = a bad person
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
