the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
