dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
