I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
