I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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