There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
