can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
