24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
