Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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