i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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