I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize