Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
