You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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