Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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