i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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