Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

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  (330): I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia . http://tfl.nu/fovz
  Replies (12) Good night (1612) Bad night (2396)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.

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  (410): Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning. http://tfl.nu/oj20
  Replies (7) Good night (698) Bad night (3646)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.

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  (314): I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis. http://tfl.nu/ymag
  Replies (16) Good night (5024) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad

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  (317): The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad http://tfl.nu/cny5
  Replies (20) Good night (3657) Bad night (1145)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first

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  (902): Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first http://tfl.nu/v8bw
  Replies (11) Good night (4682) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.

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  (815): he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating. http://tfl.nu/1vha
  Replies (8) Good night (2725) Bad night (1658)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.

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  (+44): She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre. http://tfl.nu/gzcq
  Replies (5) Good night (2554) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  We are hot boxing the gondola

  (607): View more from New York

  I hate everything.

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  (207): We are hot boxing the gondola (607): I hate everything. http://tfl.nu/4t9d
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.

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  (250): I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me. http://tfl.nu/it3h
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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  (832): I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle. (214): I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity http://tfl.nu/3j7l
  Replies (2) Good night (724) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?

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  (321): Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after? http://tfl.nu/icc6
  Replies (8) Good night (988) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Its not chugging if its just one gulp

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  (808): Its not chugging if its just one gulp http://tfl.nu/zj3j
  Replies (1) Good night (710) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!

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  (612): He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants! http://tfl.nu/fscl
  Replies (7) Good night (703) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.

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  (206): I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too. http://tfl.nu/htiy
  Replies (0) Good night (560) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.

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  (360): After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today. http://tfl.nu/8j26
  Replies (1) Good night (905) Bad night (297)

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