remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is