the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.