Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts