You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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