I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
