i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
