Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
