I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
