Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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