You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
