"it" just moved
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
