So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
