You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
