Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
